Random.........

So lately I've been up and down emotionally. My mom has to have open heart surgery on the 7Th of July and that's scary. there i said it I'm scared. i know she will be OK , but she is still my mom and it seems like the older i get the more i need her. i know you would think that I'd just grow up and put on my big girl pants but she is my best friend. it is also heart breaking to me that i could have been so close to her for so many more years if i wouldn't have been a rotten teenager. i wish i could have that time back to be the kid she deserved. i know I've grown up since then and I'm not the same person i was then , but i want to let her know i really am sorry for any time i made her sad or worried. why is it that you always look back and say man mom you were right? i wish we all always did or said the things we are supposed to, but that isn't always realistic is it? It has also been hard because she is the one i confide in and how do i confide in her when it's about her? my close friends (Rachele and Allison)have been wonderful to listen to me and offer their help with my children. i hope they know how much they mean to me. my emotions come and go it catches me off guard sometimes and the next thing you know I'm crying again. on one of my favorite blogs i follow she said one day she was traveling with her children and using the GPS and it told her to turn , well the GPS didn't know that where a field once was , was a new high way. she related this to God and said that is how we are, we can only see the field and he can see the high way. well i bawled like a baby when i read this because it is true. We are only human and can't see everything. so while God knew my mom would need this surgery i did not. i am thank full for Him and know he will be with her during the surgery. everything will be fine. I would appreciate any of you to please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. this was really more for myself than a new post, but i needed it. i love you mom.